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The Grinch Who Stole Christians!
(Troy Heidt)

Down in hell was a demon Grinch
Who was in sort of an idea pinch
He wanted to steal the strength and zeal
of the righteous people of Christianville

So to his hell hound he strapped a sleigh
and with the crack of a whip, said, "Up, up and away!"
He crept into Christianville and stole every toy
from every good Christianville girl and each boy

He took every luxury and every vice
and emptied each house out, only leaving the mice
Then he emptied out pain and emptied out woe
into each place that this foul Grinch would go

He thought persecution would end their delight
and he hung out depression like the blackness of night
as he rode out of Christianville, he said with a grin,
"Those losers will never joy in Christ again!"

But he heard praises to God getting louder and longer
the things that he took were just making them stronger!
"Blasted!", he said, as he hopped off his sleigh
"I must stop those Christians, there must be a way!"

Then something happened inside of his head
He thought he would supply their new daily bread
So he loaded his sleigh with silver and gold
The bounty he carried held riches untold

Vanities that would make them all look like stars
Prosperity gospel and luxury cars
He handed them loans with low interest rates
And unequally yoked them with heathens for mates

Put women to work, as men worked even more
and troubled their souls about the future in store
He installed all their TV sets with access to smut
As on fast food and snacks they would all sit and glut

He got them so busy they didn't have space
To think about God or give Him a place
He buried the gifts God had gifted them with
And got them to all set their hearts out adrift

Soon they were caught up in music and mirth
A New Age of reasoning had taken birth
No more deniable, objectionable sin
Now they had welcomed even more demons in

And now they had gotten so far from the Word
To spend time with God seemed unwise and absurd
They worshiped themselves, and themselves alone
Their once softened hearts had now turned to stone

The Grinch had a glow of pride on his face
That nothing short of a soul lost to Hell could replace
Then something happened that got the Grinch down
The Holy Spirit decided to move in that town

The Grinch started quaking and fear lead to dread
When the Holy Spirit sent His conviction ahead
The Christians were starting to resent the stuff
That had soured their walk and made their hearts tough

The Grinch needed help, but it was too late
Before he could skip town they came storming his gate
"You took our righteousness, you took our faith
So we're taking authority, get out of this place!"

Then the gates fell down and the Grinch went away
because Christians submitted to God on that day
And God's Holy Spirit found a place in that town
and restored all that was lost to all those around!

And up in a blaze went the enemies lies
As the Christians in Christianville finally got wise.