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Being Single & Relationships


By Bart Nelson




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Singleness -- It's a gift, a calling -- just like marriage. We need to embrace it for now. It may not be a forever calling, but it is for now. 1 Cor. 7.6 But I say this as a concession, not as a commandment. For I wish that all men were even as I myself. But each one has his own gift from God, one in this manner and another in that.

We've chosen it. That's right. We've all had someone we could have married but chose not to pursue them for various reasons. Hopefully, it's because we were trying to fulfill these verses: Phil. 1.9 And this I pray, that your love may abound still more and more in knowledge and all discernment, 10 that you may approve the things that are excellent, that you may be sincere and without offense till the day of Christ, 11 being filled with the fruits of righteousness which are by Jesus Christ, to the glory and praise of God.

There are worse things. That's right again, like being married to the wrong person or being lonely while married. I Cor. 7.32 But I want you to be without care. He who is unmarried cares for the things of the Lord—how he may please the Lord. 33 But he who is married cares about the things of the world—how he may please his wife. 34 There is a difference between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman cares about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit. But she who is married cares about the things of the world—how she may please her husband. Pr. 19.13 And the contentions of a wife are a continual dripping. 21.9 Better to dwell in a corner of a housetop, Than in a house shared with a contentious woman. 27.15 A continual dripping on a very rainy day And a contentious woman are alike; 16 Whoever restrains her restrains the wind, And grasps oil with his right hand. (Note: Solomon, who wrote Proverbs, was a man. These verses definitely apply to the male of the species as well!)

Some points to ponder:

·        Look to older singles for a model & live to full potential now -- be the best man/woman of God that someone else would want to marry.

·        No one wants to be with someone who is desperate for a mate.

·        Learn to be filled and satisfied with God as a single.

·        I need to take my identity from my relationship with God -- always and never from another. He is El Shaddai -- the God who is more than enough. Jesus and Holy Spirit are my constant companions and closest friends -- share everything with them.

·        Being married isn't a right -- I haven't been cheated. 

·        Not everyone marries or is married.

·        Something is NOT wrong with you if you're not married.

·        Singleness IS NOT the worst possible life style.

·        A spouse can never meet my needs (in reality, ONLY GOD can, no other human can). Biology does not fulfill.

·        Do I trust God to give me His best, do I trust Him to fulfill me?

·        Marriage is not all it's cracked up to be -- it's not Hollywood!

·        The romance is over in time and then it's time for real life, taking out the garbage, going to work when you don't want to, dying to self.

·        Marriage is all about serving the other person, not about being served,

·        It is about giving 100% without expecting return (not 50-50).

·        There is no marriage in heaven -- a perfect world! Jesus and Paul were single.

Then what?

·        Pursue friendships, love, service, Jesus, edification, and ministry, not dating or marriage. Eph. 4.15-16, 29

·        They are God's sons/daughters, treat them as such. Have such a relationship that if you don’t marry them, their spouse will appreciate the relationship the two of you had.

·        Don't worry or ask, "I this the 'one'?"

·        Seek the other's best, not mine. Seek their satisfaction, not mine.

·        Pray that God would send them the right mate, even if it's not me.

·        If the interest is not shared, don't love less, love more -- selflessly, beyond eros (I love you if and when) and phileo (I love you because) and on to agape (uncondtional love, in spite of whatever).

·        If the 'weirdness' sets in, stick with acceptance and commitment, communicate true feelings and keep on loving regardless.

·        Ask Father God for permission -- is my life ready for company? Do You want me to pursue friendship with this person? Don't move and then ask Him to bless it. Ask for His perfect will.

·        Don't say I love you, don't kiss until your life backs it up, until you are ready to ask for marriage. When someone hears "I love you" they think commitment, not just sentiment or nice words.